Parenting with Positivism : Issue 12

JULY 2015 . VOLUME 12 . ISSUE 12 Tips for raising your superstar with common-sense and Love
“Why can’t Johnny jump from tall buildings?”; “The neighbour’s child won the Junior Chess competition and mine…yet to discover his worth.”; “Oh! How hard is my friend’s daughter preparing for the swimming competition! And mine…wish she had one fin at least!”

Scary, isn’t it, how sometimes the inner-most voice and our greatest fears come out in the open? Have you ever thought like this? Maybe, at least sometime you’ve had emotions bordering those described above.

Are you actually not burdening yourselves up with humongous expectations from your children? The thoughts of transforming your children to become super humans, like X-Men, (who they most likely aren’t, at least not the usual lot)might be passing on this burden to the children’s shoulders.

It’s only natural that you parents want a better life for your children. As parents, you know that your child is a unique individual- full of surprises and amazing gifts. However, sometimes you may lack the skills and knowledge to help them realize how special they are and who they can become. Children also heavily depend on you to guide them through, to find how unique they are and what they can be great at.

Think of it this way. Say your 4 year old takes your favorite sunglasses and breaks it into two. In the normal course of things, you’d be disappointed, perhaps even angry. In your mind, the child is being mischievous, naughty, in-disciplined and whole lot of other things. In the child’s mind, they’ve just created TWO things out of the ONE thing that was there. You may think that your child is wasting time in drawing cartoons or writing stories but what actually happening is that the little wonder is busy discovering her inner gifts. Your love and support may help her to bring it forth.

Have you ever wondered what is this ‘IT’ or ‘X-FACTOR’ which we are constantly looking for in the children?

  • The magnetism which is a combination of personal, social and emotional qualities.
  • The X-Factor ranges from self-confidence, charm, inner peace, intellect, authority, sense of humor, and many more such qualities.
  • It is the inherent charisma which pulls others. We may also call it the factor which helps a child garner accolades or praise.
Spend Time To Know Your Child
  • Take your time out to build confidence in your child to discover that ‘X-factor’ in him/her
  • Find out and nurture the creativity and the incredible possibilities that lie waiting to be explored within your little angels.
  • Invest your time to show that how much you value the relationship and you are always there for them. Your child will move ahead fearless and more confident than before.
  • Get down to their level and spend time to know what they enjoy doing the most.
  • Talk about what excites your child, what they dream of.
  • Help them to write down things which they enjoy the most and rank them.
Children Need A Plethora of Opportunities
  • On a rush note, we feel that the quality in which our child excels is the one which gains praise, attention and appreciation.
  • The more opportunities they have to explore what they can do, the higher theodds they will discover their 5 to 10 natural abilities early in life, giving them plenty of time to explore and develop them before they need to commit to studying them full time and building a career around them.
  • Family activities are a great way to give everyone lots of ways to explore and find their gifts.

Believe In Them

  • Children (in that case adults as well) have self-doubts from time to time. Parents having faith in their kids at such times, is priceless.
  • Stories of great celebrities are saturated with examples of someone who believed in them, most importantly their parents, when they didn’t fully believed in themselves.

Encourage Them

  • “You can do it, I know you can”. Such words are not frequently voiced. Instead we repeatedly say,” You have to do it, everybody else of your age has achieved it”.
  • Be as specific as possible. Like –“I remember last time also you thought you will not be able to win the debate competition but you did it. I am sure you will be able to crack it again big time”.

Tell the Truth

  • We often do not tell the truth as it may upset a child. However, we must and that too with compassion.
  • The best way is SANDWICH TECHNIQUE. Start on a positive note, “Son, you do a great reading”. Then comes the truth part-“However, there are few words which sound phonetically incorrect”. Then again layer it up with your compassion-“If you will improve it trust me, no one can sound as good as you do”.

Be A Role Model

  • When we teach our kids practice hard, then we must show it through our actions.
  • Share your targets with your children and discuss about what are your plans to achieve it.
  • Demonstrate your practice sessions. This will encourage your child to visualize step by step journey how to achieve hers.

Don’t Shy Away from Sharing Your Failures

  • No. They won’t think any less of you as their superhero. On the contrary, it will instill their trust on you when they want to share their failings.
  • We do not usually share our experience with our children as we do not want to be vulnerable in front of them, so we hold back. This devoids them of our experience and our learning.
  • Remember, a child can only discover her potential when she/he will come out of the fear to falter. They can improve on their weak areas only when they come out of the fear of being made a laughing stock.

Acknowledge Them

  • We are very busy people but we have to take out some time for our children.
  • Let them know that they are being guided, appreciated and each effort they make towards their goal is acknowledged.
  • Listen attentively to their ideas, no matter how ‘far-fetched’ they may sound.

Your time, love and compassion will make your child discover the real magic inside. Every little skip, hop and jump with your support would make it feel like Johnny’s jumped over the tallest sky-scraper!
We are sure many of our parents may have some incidents about their kids “X factor discovery” and how they discovered it, to share with co-parents. Why don’t you share your experiences with us?

Write in to us at mailto:[email protected] and we will publish them on our website! Make sure your write ups are 1000 words or less, and feel free to write in any language. In case you would like to write by hand, please send to Jaipuria Corporate Office at Delhi or drop by and deliver at any of our schools. We will be waiting to hear from you!